Life In The Fire

My Famous Disappearing Act

2007-03-24T12:50:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so it's been a long time since I posted...again. I seem to be good at randomly disappearing from time to time. I've actually been researching Wordpress a bit lately and trying to decide whether to move my blog there or not. Am I even allowed to say that on a Blogger blog?! I'm very obsessive when it comes to researching something like that. I like to find out as much as possible before I make a decision, even a small one. Maybe I'll take the Wordpress plunge soon...if so, I'll post the link here as soon as possible!

By the way, I have been updating my 2007 reading list, so feel free to check that out.

The New Blogger

2007-02-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

Well, Blogger has forced me to switch to the new version, so if you see anything odd around my blog, that's why. I'm not sure how all the new stuff works yet, so things could be in upheaval until I figure it out. Please stay tuned.

Thoughts On Being A Servant

2007-01-21T14:47:00.000-05:00

I recently read Cure For The Common Life by Max Lucado. There's a lot of good take-away material from the book, but one topic got my attention (because I needed to hear it I'm sure). The book is about finding your place in life, figuring out what God has equipped you for, particurally work-wise, but Lucado included a chapter about the importance of being a servant regardless of your occupation. To quote Lucado:

"Don't be too big to do something small. Don't focus so much on what you love that you neglect what needs to be done. The world needs servants. It requires no specific skill set or degree."

He goes on to give three ways to practice serving: loving the overlooked, waving a white flag, and doing something everyday that you don't want to do. I was nodding my head and heart in agreement until that third one. Loving the overlooked sounds generous and compassionate and who doesn't want to be seen as generous and compassionate. Waving a white flag of peace sounds noble and just, which fits nicely with the image I want othes to have of me. But then we get to 'doing something everyday that I don't want to do', and that sounds down right hard and uninviting.

Suddenly the warm fuzzies are no where in sight and I realized that serving is not about making me look or feel good but about doing what needs to be done (in Jesus' name no less). Ouch. The practical application (for me, right now) came to mind almost immediately: wash dishes. Sounds simple. But I don't like washing dishes. My point exactly.

2007 Book List

2007-01-01T16:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, I think I will try again to maintain a book list for the year. Here goes:

Mind Games by Matthew Paul Turner-- At only 119 pages, this makes for an easy and informative read. Turner shares parts of his journey as he tackles the mind games that we all have played or are still playing. Chapters cover the topics of possession, independence, passiveness, codependence, lies, distraction, manipulation, and surrender. Written with much humor and grounded in a biblical worldview. I learned a lot and highly recommend this one.

Work Types by Kummerow, Barger, and Kirby--Based on the Myers-Briggs personality types, this book applies "type" information to various work situations. Fairly easy to read and understand if you are already familiar with the "types."

The Brethern by Beverly Lewis--This fictional story set in an Amish community made for a good, quick read. I'm sort of intrigued by the whole Amish thing, so I enjoyed reading about that way of life. As you might expect, there's a love story or two thrown in, but it was tolerable. I'm discovering that I like fiction more than I thought.

Hearing God by Dallas Willard--Willard is not the easiest author to read, but this book was worth the effort. Willard attempts to answer a couple of questions, such as, "Does God speak to individual believers today?" and "If so, what would that look (or sound) like?" One of my goals this year was to learn more about prayer and since listening is an often neglected part of prayer I found this book very helpful.

Believing God by Beth Moore--This book was great! Moore writes about the life-changing practice of actually believing God, as opposed to just believing in Him. She has an easy to understand style of writing and offers some practical help in making it a reality in your own life. This book would go on my "recommend to everyone I know" list.

Not As Crazy As I Seem by George Harrar--Fictional story for teenagers (but it held my interest) about a 15 year old boy with OCD. Since I was once a 15 year old girl with OCD, I could relate to some of the story. A short and entertaining read that could actually help people understand what someone with OCD deals with.

Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend--I've read this one before, but it was definately worth re-reading. Written from a Christian perspective, this book offers good advice for handling dating (and any relationship really). I've read several books by Cloud and Townsend and highly recommend them. It's like therapy without the $80 per hour price tag.

365 Manners Kids Should Know by Sheryl Eberly--I think this book should be re-titled 365 Manners Everyone Should Know because there is a lot of good information in here. I learned plenty from reading this, though at times I wished the auther would have gone into more depth with the explanations. As you might guess, the book is arranged into 365 short readings-one for each day of the year. They are arranged into categories such as, Family Time, Introductions, Table Manners, etc. As I said, this book has a lot of good information, but, in my opinion, is not really practical if you are looking for a manners/etiquette curriculum to use with kids. I will definately keep this one on the shelf for reference though.

New Year's Goal Setting

2007-01-01T14:42:00.000-05:00

As much as I love Christmas and my birthday (shameless I know...I'm such a big kid), New Year's Day may be my favorite day of the year. A list-making idealist at heart, there's just something about new beginnings, clean slates, and fresh starts that energizes me. It's why I love mornings, Mondays, and God's mercies (they are new every morning...see Lamentations 3:22-23). Each new day brings with it the opportunity to do things better. Maybe I like starting over so much because I mess up so much. I like having another shot...and another...and another.

Needless to say, I love the idea of resolutions. It's the follow through that trips me up. I used to make vague lists of resolutions, but a couple of years ago I switched to setting goals because a well-worded goal that's specific has a much better chance of getting accomplished. I also forced myself to narrow down the list considerably, as in only two or three items. And of course, one of the best ways to ensure you make progress is to enforce some sort of accountability. Posting my little list here on the blog probably only counts as some form of pseudo-accountability though. The best way to create accountability is to share your goal(s) with someone else and give them permission to harass, uh, I mean ask, you frequently about progress.

So, here are my goals for the year along with the reasons:

Learn more about prayer. Prayer is definately a discipline I struggle with, but this year I want to learn what God has to say about prayer, meaning I want to take a fresh look at what the Bible actually says. I was inspired in part by Richard Foster, who wrote in his book Celebration of Discipline, about taking everything Jesus said regarding prayer in the Gospels and putting it all together to take a good look. I figure with the help of biblegateway.com and a printer I may be able to do this too. And along with the "learning about" I hope to improve my "practice of" prayer.
Conduct experiments in healthy living. Yeah, the terminology is odd, but I chose it on purpose and here's why: experiments never actually fail. Experiments are, by their nature, designed to test a theory or hypothesis, therefore, you can't fail. When you conduct an experiment, you either successfully find something that works or something that doesn't work. A simple distinction, but an important one. I like the idea of applying this to healthy habits. I'm going to "experiment" with foods, activities, and thought processes and see what works. The details are still a bit fuzzy on this one, but I'll get there.
Learn how to do something new. There are a couple of crafty things that I'm really wanting to try, and I'm itching to get my hands on a guitar, and it might be fun to know how to cook something besides a hot pocket. We'll see how this goes. :)

So, there you have it, way more than you wanted to know about my goals for 2007. How about you, what are you trying to do in 2007?

Motivate And Track Yourself

2007-01-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

For those of you looking for a little motivation and help with your New Year's goals, I humbly submit this list of things I found online:

8 Spark Plugs To Start Your New Year--Short article offering some thoughts to help jump start your year. The best part is the admonition to, "live for Christ today."

31 Questions--Short article giving you 31 questions to help you "consider your ways." Tackle them all at one time or do what the author suggests and contemplate one question per day for the whole month.

43 Things--Make a list of things you want to do. See what other people have on their lists. Add and subtract things as necessary. Somewhat interactive. I found the website a bit difficult to figure out at first though.

Tadalist--Create a list of your goals and/or as many other lists as you like. Share your lists with others or keep them private. Not as interactive as 43 Things, which, depending on your taste, could be a good or bad thing.

Bellygraph--Make a graph to track your progress in some area. Cool.

Joy To The World

2006-12-25T22:09:00.000-05:00

Every year I have the intention of focusing on the spiritual significance of the holiday and every year it proves to be a struggle. I never did manage to get an Advent wreath and candles put together this year, but I did rediscover the beauty of a classic Christmas song: Joy to the World.
As you read the lyrics below, try to do so with fresh eyes (meaning do your best not to mentally hum the tune) and think about the message.

Joy to the World
by Isaac Watts

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And heav’n and nature sing,
And heav’n and nature sing,
And heav’n, and heav’n, and nature sing.

Joy to the earth, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

As I was reading, I couldn't help but notice how much of it applied not only to Christ's first coming at birth, but also His second coming. As monumental as Jesus' birth was, His return will be an equally unparalled event and one of great joy for His followers.

I was reading about redemption the other day and how it is both a present and future reality for God's people. Jesus' birth brought us the possibility of being truely redeemed and His return will usher in the completion of redemption. The Bible speaks of the whole of creation crying out for redemption because since the Fall of man everything exists under the curse. This song seems to give us a picture of what that might be like; heaven, nature, and mankind rejoicing. Joy, blessings, truth, and grace. What a picture! When redemption comes it will reach "far as the curse is found" and that really will bring "joy to the world." Merry Christmas!!

5 Minutes With Me

2006-12-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

Discipleship Journal magazine recently started a new feature in which they conduct a five minute interview with a Christian author, speaker, etc. As I was reading in a recent issue I started wondering how I would answer the questions asked of the interviewee...so I decided to find out by asking and answering the questions right here. (the questions are paraphrased to avoid any "issues")

Q: What have you been learning from God lately?
A: I feel like I've been getting some answers to questions I've been wrestling with over the past few months regarding the character of God...things about God's goodness and the way He works in our lives. I feel like I was getting to a "make or break" point in some ways, but God has been faithful to give me what I need to know. This is not always everything I want to know, but it's enough.
I've also been working on a Bible study about contentment, so I'm learning about that and the thought process necessary for a life of contentment.

Q: What's the most important thing you've learned about following God?
A: Grace. Not only am I "saved by grace," but I must walk in grace. Anything good that I have or am is by the grace of God. Jesus summed it up well when He said, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."

Q: How do you keep spending time with God from getting dull?
A: I gave up trying to have a "quiet time." Before you label me a heretic, let me explain. No where in Scripture are we told to have a "quiet time." We are told to know and meditate on God's Word and to pray. Well, there's more than one way to do this. Do I read and study God's Word? You bet. Do I spend a certain amount of time during a certain time of day doing this? Nope, and I no longer feel guilty for that. There's nothing wrong with having a schedule and sticking to it, but if you don't or can't, it doesn't mean you're a bad Christian.
Also, on a more practical level, I've been reading up on various spiritual disciplines and am slowly trying to implement more into my life.

Q: Who has been influential to your spiritual growth?
A: My family. That would be the place I first learned the fear of the Lord. :) I also had a great-grandmother that was a real prayer warrior. That leaves an impression. My pastor, who is an excellent teacher of the Word. In a broader sense, I would say many Christian authors/writers, because I love to read and God has used them to teach me a great deal.

Q: Do you have a mentor now?
A: No...other than those writers/authors I mentioned above. I think I would benefit greatly from a mentoring and/or accountability type relationship though.

Q: If you could experience an event from the Bible, which would you choose?
A: Hmmm...there's so many to choose from. I think I would choose to see Jesus in action, teaching and healing people.

Q: What do you think people would be surprised to know about you?
A: Probably how sensitive I am to certain things and how much I do care about other people. I'm just not always good at expressing it, at least not in a way that makes sense to other people.

Q: Someday I would like to...
A: ummm...be normal, see Israel, play guitar, and mostly be able to look back and see that I made a difference somehow, in some way, in somebody's life.

So, how would you answer any or all of these questions?

Questions

2006-12-22T18:42:00.000-05:00

I've struggled over the past few months with aspects of God's character, specifically His goodness. I've wrestled to understand what exactly it means that God is good and what that means for our lives. What can we expect from God? What can we pray for? I have recently begun to feel that I'm getting some answers to my questions. During this time several books landed in my lap through no real choice of mine (they were not on my wishlist) that in one way or another addressed these questions. Coincidence? Not likely.

One author's words seemed to jump off the page at me, and while not directly answering my questions, spoke to the topic of "questioning" itself. To paraphrase/quote:

"Give up excessive questioning and reasoning. We are not going to figure God out completely. Our job is not to understand God, but to trust and obey Him. Trust always requires unanswered questions."

This got me thinking. Was I guilty of excessive questioning and reasoning?? Probably. I was trying to understand God completely, forgetting the limits of my finite mind. I wanted a detailed rationale for His actions. I'm the kind of person that likes to understand things. I want to know that I "get" it, especially when it comes to matters involving God. This is not a totally bad thing but something that must be kept in check because knowing about God can easily get in the way of knowing God. And if I was forced to choose, I would want the relationship rather than the tidy theological treatises.

That being said, I don't think it's wrong to seek answers, afterall, we are told in the Bible that the Spirit will lead us into all truth. But there is a point at which our questioning becomes excessive. We then refuse to act on what we know because of what we don't know. This seems to be the point that some people walk away from the faith unfortunately. They decide they simply cannot live with the tension of trusting a God they don't fully understand. (But that's another post!!)

So, I guess I'm learning (slowly) that I have to make peace with the reality that some questions will not be completely answered this side of heaven. They may not even be answered on the other side of heaven! My decision becomes painfully simple at that point: either I'm going to choose to trust God OR I'm not.

I hope this post doesn't seem pessimistic because as I said earlier I do feel like I'm getting some answers but I'm also learning to let go of my demand to know everything before moving forward.

Holy Discontent?

2006-11-29T21:18:00.000-05:00

The Bible study a friend and I have been slowly working through is about the topic of contentment. In the first few lessons we've explored two different kinds of discontentment, one bad, the other good. The good kind of discontentment is what I'm writing about today. On the surface the term good discontentment seems like an oxymoron. If we are supposed to cultivate contentment in our lives, which we are (at least if we are trying to live our lives by biblical standards), how can any discontentment be good. Is there such a thing as holy discontent? What does that look like?

Good discontentment is being unhappy with the current state of affairs in the world. It is knowing that God's way is far, far better than most of what we see going on around us. It's why we pray for God's will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Because we are convinced heaven is better, we are not fully content with a life on earth. So we look with eager anticipation to the way things will be one day. Good discontentment also involves the realization that nothing here on earth will ever completely satisfy you. There can be much happiness and blessing in this life for sure, but this life is filled with longing, trying, reaching, and striving, and that will not end until we see Jesus face to face.

Here's an excerpt from my print journal where I was trying to process some of my thoughts about this topic:

I am restless...for heaven, for home, for God. Everything else just leaves me wanting something more. The new always wears off of everything. It doesn't matter how many books I read, how many friends I talk to, or whatever, I always want something more. It's always been that way really. It's like having an itch you can't quite reach. No matter how good the day has been, it seems it ends on a note of frustration as I fall onto the sofa wishing for a bit more of something I can't quite put my finger on. I don't think I'm alone in that feeling. I think everything people do, the good and bad, is an effort to find happiness and contentment. We always want just one more thing. There's always one more piece of the puzzle that we need. The grass always looks just a bit greener on someone else's side of the fence. You know, there are some things about heaven that I can imagine. I can imagine never being sad. I can imagine never feeling pain. But I really cannot fathom feeling absolutely, 100% content. I can't imagine not wanting something, but I'm looking forward to it!

Revisiting eHarmony?

2006-11-19T15:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it finally happened. My curiosity trumped my good sense. I completed my eHarmony profile. Months ago I started working on the 19,000 question survy because I thought it would be fun to get my free personality profile. I wrote about that here. Anyway, Mr. Warren was on TV advertising a "free communication weekend," and my mom was like, "hey, why don't you do that!" I like to throw mom a bone every once in a while, so I said, "ok, maybe." I logged in and completed the questionairre and lo and behold, within minutes, I had MATCHES! I seriously didn't think I would get matches. I was fully convinced that I was the only one of my kind in the world. Even IF there were matches I just knew that somewhere, somehow within Mr. Warren's questions regarding the 29 dimensions of compatibility it would be detected that I'm a basketcase. Most people seem to agree, but nonetheless, the matches came.

Stupid, stupid me. What was I thinking?! Now what do I do? I'm gonna have to pay after today if I want to keep talking to any of these men. Yes, yes, that means I have communicated with a couple of people. Those of you that know me know just how out of the ordinary this is for me.

Mental note: People that don't know what they want shouldn't sign up for services filled with people that know exactly what they want and are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

It's been a bit of an ego booster for me I guess, which needs a lot of boosting to even be detected. The ego trip will end tonight though, presumably around midnight, so I've got between now and then to decide whether I'm willing to deposit a quarter to keep this ride alive. Decisions, decisions.

Friday's Feast

2006-10-27T12:55:00.000-05:00

Feast One Hundred & Seventeen

Appetizer: Create a new candle scent.
Hawaiian Punch Meltdown---I love the taste, so I'm sure it would make a great candle.

Soup: Name one way you show affection to others.
hugs

Salad: What is your favorite writing instrument?
fine point pen

Main Course: If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy?
well duh.....it would be amazon.com......books, books, and more books....and $25 is exactly what i would need to spend to get free shipping

Dessert: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be?
no

Go enjoy the feast!

Reading Fiction

2006-10-11T11:08:00.000-05:00

I love to read, but normally I don't read much fiction. I don't have anything against fiction in general, it's just that the deep, analytical bent of my personlity gravitates toward non-fiction books, material that can increase my knowledge or provide practical steps for improvement in some area. Needless to say, I was not thrilled when I received a fiction book for my birthday recently, but boy was I in for a pleasant surprise. I read The Bishop's Daughter by Wanda E. Brunstetter in 3 days! I loved it! It's a modern-day story set mostly within the Amish culture, which I find to be rather fascinating. My preference will still be for non-fiction most of the time, but I'll probably be a bit more open to exploring fiction from now on.

Getting to know me?

2006-09-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine recently asked me to join her for a one-on-one Bible study of sorts, and being the hermit that I am, I hesitated to commit. My mind started generating objections right and left, one or two of which I fielded to my friend. She answered casually, unaware of my inner turmoil, and asked me to pray about it and get back to her.

I prayed and as always secretly hoped that a scroll with the word "yes" or "no" would drop out of the sky. It didn't, as usual, but I did begin to realize that I had no good reason to say no. In fact, my only hesitation was coming from my tendency to not let people get too close to me. And in a one-on-one Bible study, it's kind of inevitable that you will share personal information.

Why is this a problem for me? I could spend hours analyzing that very question. I had a friend that used to tell me I have a mile high wall around my heart. I think she was right. I consider it protection; it functions equally well as a prison though.

I find it ironic that I silently lament that no one really knows me, but when faced with someone that wants to invest time with me, I run as hard as I can in the opposite direction. Go figure. Well, I'm happy to report that I took a step away from my self-imposed solitary confinement. I said yes to my friend's offer. Score one for Christian community. This could be exactly what I need, and I just don't know it yet.

Reality Check

2006-08-16T13:28:00.000-05:00

A few realizations have started to settle in on me the past few days. One is that my brother's school year will start in a couple of weeks. I'll be responsible for a large chunck of the teaching and a slow and steady dread is starting to overtake me. Can we do this?! The second is that I have no job and therefore no source of income. Oddly enough, the bills don't stop coming just because you don't have a job. They should really do something about that. Ummm...yeah, so I need to make some money. Do you know anyone willing to pay for my opinions? That's about all I've got to offer at the moment.

Feeling A Bit Under The Weather

2006-08-14T11:50:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I've had what appears to be some kind of nasty bite on my leg. Whatever it was it caused a baseball sized red circle on my leg. Not good. And I seem to have a sinus infection on top of that, which makes it difficult to determine which one is causing the low grade fever.

So all you praying people please say a prayer for me. Thanks.

Random Thoughts From Yesterday

2006-08-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

I received the dues renewal notice from my car insurance company. They cleverly showed the dues amount and added a voluntary political action committee donation of $1. Now, that donation is completely voluntary, but with the way they had it added to the dues would make people think that they had to pay it. Someone not paying close attention would pay the extra dollar whether they wanted to or not. Stuff like that angers me. No one wants to be tricked, and that's exactly what they were trying to do. Marketing trickery. GRRR!
We had a brief power outage yesterday as a storm rolled through. We lit a candle. It felt very Little House On The Prairie-ish.
I have rediscovered Ebay in an effort to obtain all the books we will need for my brother this year (homeschool). The world's biggest auction...that never ends. How fun is that people!?!?!
I finally started working in my bedroom here at the new house. There are lots of boxes and things just sitting around, in need of being unpacked and sorted. I've been putting it off (it's another OCD thing), but yesterday I dove in. I hope I can keep the momentum up for the rest of the week. And I finally bought a bed/sofa for the room.
Yesterday I learned that someone I know is moving out of town. It's not a big deal, but it bothers me. It bothers me because it represents a truth that I would rather forget: in one way or another, everyone leaves you.

Me vs. Kitten

2006-07-27T15:56:00.000-05:00

We have a new kitten in the house. I am not a fan of animals being in the house. It's think it's an OCD thing. As soon as I've touched the kitten I feel compelled to go wash my hands, thoroughly mind you. I'm sure with enough time and torture, I mean exposure, I will be less obsessed with "cat germs." Maybe having it vet checked and vaccinated, oh say about 50 times, would help too. Until then I'll just keep washing my hands and trying not to breathe in cat hair.

To make matters worse, the kitten seems to be under the impression that I like it. I am the one person in the house that it follows around. It waits for me to sit down and then leaps into my lap. In fact, the little troll just dug it's claws into my leg. There's blood. Oh no...this means war. Stupid cat. GRRR!

And She's Back

2006-07-25T11:22:00.000-05:00

Umm...yeah...so it's been a while. I took a little break from the blog, mostly because I didn't have a computer to work on (well actually I had a computer, but it's a long story). I left my job and moved since the last time I posted. Hopefully, now that I'm semi-settled in the new place I can resume posting on a regular basis, but don't hold your breath. I can be a real slacker. It's not that I don't have things to say, it's that I'm not sure if this is the best place to say them. Know what I mean. In one sense this is my personal blog, but at the same time it is very public. It's not that I have illicit secrets or anything like that. I just find it difficult to decide whether to devulge the inner workings of my mind or write what I feel will make me look good (or smart or sane). I thought about starting an anonymous blog, but then I would just have two blogs to feel guilty about neglecting. Stay tuned.

2006-03-22T15:19:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize it had been so long since I've posted. I've been sorting through some things and trying to make a big decision. Most of my waking hours have been spent pondering this decision...so in case you were wondering, that's where I've been.

Friday's Feast...late once again

2006-02-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: Choose one: moving to another state, having triplets, or never being able to eat chocolate again.
I guess I would have to give up chocolate.

Soup: Name a news story that truly shocked you.
Why do people even watch the news?

Salad: What was your very first job?
My first real job was a work-study job at the community college I attended. It was part of my financial aid package. I worked in the Basic Skills Department, which is the office that coordinates the GED and Adult High School Diploma programs. I worked in the office filling out forms, filing, making copies, etc, etc.

Main Course: If you had the chance to read the diary of someone you're really close to, would you? Why or why not?
No, I would not read someone's diary unless they asked me to do so. I keep a journal and to me someone reading my journal without permission is sort of like an act of treason.

Dessert: What's something you're looking forward to?
heaven -- Yeah, I know that's a bit of a Christian cliche, but it's true. I used to not understand why older people were in a hurry to get there. I mean, when you're very young it seems that there are so many good things here on earth, but now I know the truth. Any happiness we have here is but a shadow of what's to come and far too many of our moments here are tainted with pain. When you start to experience that, heaven becomes a beacon of hope on the horizon.

Join the feast!!

Sorting The Mail

2006-02-20T14:30:00.000-05:00

My head is so full of ideas that I'm unable to wrap my mind around any one of them. I hate that feeling. It's like I've been given a year's worth of mail at one time. I know I have to do something with all of it, but I don't know where to begin. I need to sort and process my thoughts and feelings. I'm not good with raw emotion. You see, when I gain bits of new information or experience it passes through a grid of my convictions and principles and when it comes out, it may not be any prettier, but it is recognizable and understandable to my mind.

Like when I get mail, after I read the piece of mail and pass the knowledge of what it is through my mind, I then know what to do with it. If it's a bill, I pay it. If it's a magazine, I read it. If it's another credit card other, I toss it. The rest of life is kind of like that too. What type of information or experience it is determines what we do with it. I'm pretty good with the mail, but not so good with the other parts of life.

I get overwhelmed and my thoughts just seem to bounce off one another in my mind. It's almost as if I can literally feel that happening. It's creepy.

I don't know what to do with the "things" in my life. I wish someone would sit down with me and say, "ok, this is what you need to do about that...and this is how to handle this particular problem...and..." But no one ever does that, and I probably wouldn't like it if they did anyway.

Life just keeps coming at you, day after day, whether you have the time, energy, or desire to figure it out. Day to day life seems to require more than I have to give. I don't really understand why. I mean, I know people feel overwhelmed from time to time, but I sometimes wonder if other people really feel it the same way I do. Do they feel that they're hanging onto sanity and survival by one small thread? If I let go of the thread where would I fall? The arms of Jesus or the cold, hard earth?

There are just some things I would rather not have to deal with, like my grandmother being diagnosed with breast cancer, my mom having health problems, and this inner ear crap that I have going on. I guess I want what every other person on earth wants--a problem free existence. But that's not gonna happen. I have to deal with the days as they are given.

Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to fly a kite without string.

eHarmony and Me?

2006-02-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but the eHarmony commercials are getting really old. I think Mr. Warren has bought commercial spots on just about every single cable network available, or at least every one that I watch anyway. Every time I turn on the TV, there he is, parading his happy couples across the screen, trying to entice me to sign up.

Well, the commercials did entice me...but not because of the happy couples. What caught my eye was the free personality profile offered. Being a sucker for personality tests of all kinds I finally caved (it wasn't a hard sale). I meandered over to eharmony.com one day and started working on the 5,000 question profile (it is seriously thorough). Somewhere around question 392 I had a realization--if I completed this questionnaire I would start receiving e-mails encouraging me to sign up for the service and informing me of potential "matches".

Knowing that my curiousity would ultimately trump my good sense, I abandoned the questionnaire and my hopes of receiving my free personality profile. Now, technically, there's no reason I couldn't sign up for the service and take a look at potential matches, being single and unattached as I am. It's just that I don't want to. Or do I?

Maybe the reason I roll my eyes and sneer at the commercials is because they remind me of just how single I am. Now, most days this is not really at the forefront of my mind, but after about 15 eHarmony commercials I begin to "think about it". And I really just don't want to think about it, because if I think about it I'm forced to make a decision, albeit a small one. To sign up or not to sign up?

Actually, you could subsitute any number of things into that question, because while I like to say that there is no one beating my door down for a date, it is equally true that I've done nothing (and I do mean nothing) to pursue dating in any form or fashion. So I guess my real problem with eHarmony is that it forces me to wrestle with this giant question mark in my life that I would rather just pretend didn't exist. Is anyone following this?

I could go on and on, but I'll stop torturing you dear reader. Maybe I'll revisit this topic later. Comments welcome.

Friday's Feast!

2006-02-03T08:30:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highest), how sociable are you?
about a 2--I'm pretty introverted, so socializing doesn't rank very high on my list of fun things to do. And I'm much better in a one on one situation. The more people that are aound, the more uncomfortable I feel.

Soup: Name 3 DVDs you currently own.
None

Salad: If you were to win a superlative award now (such as most talented, class clown, most likely to succeed), what would it be?
Most Likely To Seek Therapy or maybe Most Likely To Watch The Weather Channel

Main Course: What is your favorite radio station?
WCQR-Comtemporary Christian Music

Dessert:Complete this sentence: I believe __________ because __________.
I believe in God because the evidence is too much to dismiss.

Join the feast!

Just For Fun!

2006-02-02T09:59:00.000-05:00

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Well, it's nice to know I could still pass 8th grade math, which according to this test is the equivalent of Algebra 1. And people say you never use this stuff in real life?!

2006-01-25T16:07:00.000-05:00

I really didn't abandon the blog on purpose. I will post again...hopefully sooner than later.

Humility

2006-01-04T09:21:00.000-05:00

*This is notes from my journal earlier this year.

The characteristic of humility has been something I've though about often over the past year or so. I've been reading about it and pondering what exactly it means, trying to figure out what it looks like in everyday life.

In reading and thinking about humility I've developed a handy definition to help me remember what it is: everything I am not. The more I look at humility the more clearly I see the lack of it in my life. Pride is such a sneaky sin. When you slam the door in its face, it slips around back and crawls in an open window. And there is always an open window. T.S. Eliot spoke truth when he said, "Humility is the hardest of all virtues to achieve; nothing dies harder than the desire to think well of oneself."

I give lip service to the desire to be a servant of both God and man, but I find within myself an altogether opposite desire: to be looked upon favorably by those around me. It is this desire that prompts way too many of my words and deeds.

I'm learning that it's not enough to do the right thing. We must do the right thing with the right motive. We may be able to white-knuckle our way through the right actions, but we can't while-knuckle our way to the right motives. If I say with my mouth, "I forgive you," but my real reason for doing so is to make me look like the better person, it is worthless. I am then no more than an actor putting on a show. I don't want to just "put on a show."

I want to do the right thing for the right reason. But how does this come about in our lives? How do we get the right motives? It is the work of God. Author John Ortberg used the analogy of a sailboat. We can put up our sails, but we can't make the wind blow. That's something God does. We can also "put up our sails," spiritually so to speak by reading God's Word, praying, and being quick to obey when God has made a course of action clear. Then somehow, in some way, when you're not looking God changes you on the inside. You wake up one day and realize that you're looking at things quiet differently, as if you are seeing them the way they really are for the first time. Then it happens again...and again. And, as Donald Miller might say, it's quiet beautiful really.

Merry Christmas!!!

2005-12-21T15:38:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't posted anything yet this week, I thought I would throw out a little note. I have some posts I want to get up but I just haven't really had the time or desire to this week.

So...let me just say "Merry Christmas" to my readers. I'll meet you here again next week.

Friday's Feast

2005-12-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: What is a word that your family uses that would not be considered common?
Well, you see, my family is southern, and there are more uncommon words in our vocabulary than I can count! But seriously, I hear that in other parts of the country folks don't use the word ya'll. It's a staple around here. And my grandma has some word variations that I'm not even sure I could spell.

Soup: What theme of calendar do you have on your wall this year?
I haven't even had a wall calendar up this year. In years past I had a weather calendar which I thought was rather cool because I'm a weather junkie.

Salad: Name 3 people you speak with on a daily basis.
my Mom, my Grandma, and my brother

Main Course: If you could put a new tattoo on someone you know - who would it be, what would the tattoo be of, and where would you put it on them?
I do not think tattoos are attractive at all, no offense anyone. So, I would not put one on anybody.

Dessert: What is the last beverage you drank out of a glass bottle?
I think it was a Peach Nehi...and I sure would like to have one right now!

Join the feast!

Book Notes--Where's Your Focus?

2005-12-14T10:49:00.000-05:00

This is the final post from my book notes. Just thought I'd throw that in.

In the story of Peter walking on the water, when he focused on the storm around him, he sank. I've always sort of looked down on Peter because of this, but not any more. I see now how I'm just the same, and how difficult it is to stay focused. But how can you focus on Jesus in the middle of a storm? I mean, the voice of God can be still and small sometimes, but storms have a tendancy to clamor rather loudly for our attention. Storms are hard to ignore, in nature and in life.

Think about a thunderstorm for a moment. There's loud thunder, pelting rain, rapid flashes of lightning, and cutting wind. If you're out in a storm you are gonna be affected by it. It engages all of your senses and demands to be noticed. If you're caught out in a thunderstorm, two words usually come to mind: seek shelter.

Now contrast your experience of the storm once inside your shelter to what I just mentioned. You can still hear the thunder, but it's not quiet as loud. If you stay away from the windows you may not see the lightning at all. You no longer feel the rain or the wind. Yes, shelter is a nice place to be during a storm. In the same way that a house offers us protection from storms in nature, Christ offers us shelter in the storms of life.

But how do we focus on Jesus when there's a storm raging all around us? How do we avail ourselves of this shelter? Ortberg's answer in the book is this: by feeding our minds the right things. We are often way to careless about that to which we expose our minds. Ortberg gives a couple of "laws" of mental focus that I thought were interesting.

You are what you think. The way you think determines so much about you.
Your mind will think most about what it is exposed to most.

Makes sense to me. The good news is you can put these "laws" to work for you. How to put these to work for you is a whole other topic I suppose, but Ortberg shares a couple of practical suggestions.

Meditate on Scripture. Memorize the Word of God.
Rituals and symbols. A lot of Christians panic when they hear those words because they fear it indicates legalism and various other things. That's not what Ortberg is talking about though. Rituals and symbols can serve as reminders of the way of life we have committed ourselves too.

My application of this right now is trying to memorize Psalm 84. It's a beautiful passage that pushes my mind, which likes to wander, back in the right direction.

Have you any thoughts on the matter?

Office Pictures

2005-12-13T13:25:00.000-05:00

The office is looking all festive with Christmas decor. I thought I'd share a few pics. Having the office in an actual house makes it easier to achieve that cozy Christmas feeling, don't ya think?

Friday's Feast

2005-12-09T11:58:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: Name something you'll miss about 2005.
Nothing I guess.

Salad: What is one thought that went through your mind today?
I wish there was more ice so I wouldn't have to go to work. (We had our first real blast of winter weather today and I was so hoping to get a day off.)

Soup: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how compassionate would you say you are?
I don't know, an 8 or so. I often feel more compassionate than I act.

Main Course: If you could invent something, what would it be?
artificial vestibular nerve--so me and all the other people with inner ear damage could resume normal functioning

Dessert: Do you prefer salty snacks or sweet treats?
I love both!

Come join the feast!

Book Notes--How Big Is Your God?

2005-12-08T16:49:00.000-05:00

"We are not convinced that we are completely safe in the hands of a fully competent, all-knowing, ever-present God."

That statement from Ortberg really hit me hard because I realized instantly that it applied to me. I say that I believe, but I do not live as if I am convinced. I live fearfully, as if my well-being depended on me. I've come face to face with this fear over the past year as I've wrestled with inner ear damage. Not able to do some things for myself, I've had to depend on help from my family. I begin to fear for my safety and well-being when the "what-ifs" kick-in. I'm sure you're familiar with the game. It goes something like this: "What if I no longer had my family to help me? What if this gets worse instead of better? What if...what if...what if?"

What if I really had the faith I profess to have?

Dave reminded me of a good quote the other day: Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is. It's meant to be more than a nice thought. It's meant to be a way of life. How do I get there?

Book Notes-Being Resilient

2005-12-05T16:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes, I'm still covering book notes. Only a couple more though.

Ortberg uses the story of Joseph to make some points about the storm. If you know the story of Joseph then you know he faced a number of storms. When facing the storm you find out what lies inside you because the storm forces key decisons. This is not going to be a very well composed post. I just want to share the three characteristics of resilient people that Ortberg discusses in the book, resiliency being a very important characteristic when facing a storm. These were very helpful for me and I've been rolling these ideas around in my mind since reading the book.

Resilient people exercise controll rather than passively resign. This means controlling what you can, however small and not giving up. Joseph faced situations that probably tempted him to give up, like being sold into slavery and thrown into prison unjustly. Joseph didn't give up though. He was wholly faithful even in difficult situations.
Resilient people remain committed to their values when tempted to compromise. We may be most tempted when life doesn't turn out like we planned. We start rationalizing like this: "I don't have a spouse like other people, what would it hurt if I watched just a few minutes of that movie..." or "I'm stuck in this low paying job so I'm sure God will understand if I don't tithe for a while..." Don't go there. Don't compromise. Joseph didn't. He refused the attempts of Pharoah's wife to seduce him.
Resilient people find meaning and purpose in the storm. If we let them, storms can give us a new perspective on other people and their suffering. We can reach out to others in compassion and understanding.

If you haven't read the story of Joseph, let me encourage you to do so. In fact you can click right here and read it over at Biblegateway.com.

Book Notes--First-Step Principle

2005-11-29T13:22:00.000-05:00

God generally asks people to take a first step, to get their feet wet so to speak. Just look at Peter. Even though Jesus told him to come, he still had to step out on the water before he could experience water-walking. By this point, Peter knows a bit about the character of Christ and upon hearing Him say "come," he could have just decided that was enough. Peter could have said, "Jesus told me I could walk on the water, and I know He's a trustworthy guy, so I'm just gonna take His word for it. I'm content just knowing I can, I don't need to step out of the boat and experience it." That's not what Peter says though. He takes a first step out of the boat onto the water and his faith is forever changed.

Acquiring information is not enough, it is taking action that expands our faith. Ortberg says something in the book about one step of action being worth a hundred internal pep talks (or something to that effect). That's so true. I find it easy to fall into that realm of ever-increasing information and ever-diminishing action.

The first step is always the hardest, but in taking the first step we come face to face with Christ on the water. If you think about it, Peter was closer to Jesus, literally and figuratively, when he stepped out of the boat and into the storm. That thought is really bothering me. I want to be close to Jesus in the comfy confines of the boat. The storm is...well, scary and dangerous, but I guess that gives us an opportunity to see the power of God.

Book Notes Part 4--Honoring Your Raw Material

2005-11-22T12:03:00.000-05:00

The following is my thoughts and processing of the "Honoring Your Raw Material" concept.

Being honest about our gifts and limitations can be difficult I think. We are taught that we can do whatever we set our minds to, but that's not entirely true. We each have strengths and weaknesses, and when we try to operate outside of our giftedness and ablilities we are usually not as effective.

Some of us really struggle on this front. We can spend a lifetime pursuing goals and jobs for which we have little aptitude just because someone else, namely the culture at large, thinks it's a good idea. Sometimes the results are not quite as dramatic, but cause problems nonetheless. We waste time bemoaning our limitations, those things we can't do, at least not as well as others. I wonder what God thinks when we do that. I wonder how it would change us if we allowed our limitations to be a source of freedom instead of pain. I wonder if that's what we are supposed to do.

When we realize stick figures is as good as our drawing is going to get, we can safely eliminate a number of careers and hobbies. If you hate balancing your checkbook, then you probably won't find your place to shine in the accounting department. Realizing what we are not is almost as important as realizing what we are.

When you know what you're not you have the freedom to be what you are without regrets. But it's not always easy to accept our limitations. Some things are relatively trivial. For instance, I've always sort of wished I had a nice singing voice, but I don't. It doesn't keep me up at night though. There are other limits that really bother me though. I'm a very introverted person. Our culture has a definate bias toward extroverts. I've often looked at more extroverted types and been amazed at how easy it is for them to make their way in the world--talking so easily with others and pursuing their goals with a level of energy that makes me tired just watching.

At times I wish I could be like that, but I'm not...and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. My introverted nature provides other strengths, like being a good listener and having a desire to understand people and their problems. The point is, realizing what I'm not (an extrovert in this case) frees me to be what I am without worrying about not living up to someone else's potential. As Ortberg points out in the book, God won't ask us what we did with what we didn't have.

Book Notes Part 3--Discerning A Call

2005-11-21T10:01:00.000-05:00

Water-walking requires wisdom to discern a call. There is a difference between faith and foolishness. So, how do you discern an authentic call from your own impulse? Here are a few helpful thoughts Ortberg shares in the book:

Take your calling seriously. You are on a mission from God. Believers share a common calling to know and love God and have Christ formed in us. We are also given gifts and talents to serve God and others.
Honor your raw material. Be honest about your gifts and limitations. "A calling is something you discover, not something you choose." Acknowledging limits gives you freedom, but it may be painful. (My next post will address this area.)
Form a "clearness committee", whose purpose is to ask you questions, listen, and pray for a sense of God's calling.
Conduct "low-cost probes". Test the waters.

Receiving a calling is not the same thing as having a dream career. This doesn't mean that God doesn't use our "raw material," but it will usually be beyond my resources and capabilities to complete the task. It may mean paying a high price. Ouch. Suddenly having a calling doesn't seem so idealistic and romantic.

Friday's Feast

2005-11-18T12:35:00.000-05:00

Here's something fun for Friday.

Appetizer: When do you feel impatient?
When my internet connection is down. Pathetic, I know.

Salad: How many times in your life have you had a broken heart?
I think I was born with a broken heart.

Soup: Name a book you would like to see made into a movie.
The Little Prince

Main Course: If you could thank one teacher for what they taught you, who would it be and what would you thank them for?
Oh, I think I'm gonna have to cheat a little on this one because I can't narrow it down to one. I would thank my second grade teacher Ms. Hood, for praying every day before we left the classroom to go to lunch. I would thank all my elementary school teachers for teaching me to read and write, because now those are two of my favorite things to do. Ok, this really could go on for a while, but since this is supposed to be a short post I'm just gonna stop myself. Maybe in another post some time I will list all my teachers and what I learned from them, but not today. :)

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of pie?
Pumpkin

Wanna play? Check out Friday's Feast by clicking here!

Book Notes Part 2--Comparison, Fear, and Comfort

2005-11-16T11:04:00.000-05:00

Ortberg lists three reasons why people "stay in the boat": comparison, fear, and comfort. He uses the parable of the talents to illustrate. When we compare our talents & abilities to those of someone else, it leads only to pride or envy and can prevent us from stepping out where God has called us. It does no good to wish you had someone else's gifts. I must choose to appreciate my gifts and remember that I will give an account of what I do with what I'm given.

Some areas Ortberg mentions for consideration are intelligence, relationships, energy level, and temperment. These struck a chord with me because they are often areas where I'm tempted to wish I had something more or something different. The thinking can go something like this: "I'm not as smart as him/her. There's no way I could write something that good." The result: I bury my ideas and write nothing. Here's another one: "I could accomplish so much more if I didn't have this stupid inner ear problem." The result: I waste precious time and energy wallowing in self-pity and denial, when I could be doing something, however small, productive. Yep, comparison keeps me in the boat.

Fear can also keep us in the boat. Ortberg notes that Peter asks Jesus for a command to step out rather than a promise that everything would work out. I don't know about you, but I always go looking for the promise, specifically the promise that says everything is gonna work out fine. I'll be honest, I don't always want the command, whatever it may be. It's easy enough to say, "Yeah, I'm ready to walk on the water", but it's another thing to be standing there staring at waves taller than you are, hearing Jesus say "go", but seeing no assurance of safety or victory. That's a hard step to take.

The third reason Ortberg discusses is comfort. Sometimes we are just so comfortable in our boat that we refuse to step out of it. We may hear the call of God, but we refuse to move because we're happy with the way things are now.

I think I'm guilty of allowing all three to keep me in the boat. It's important to note that the third servant in the parable of the talents is described as wicked and lazy. Those are not words I would want Jesus using to describe me. So the question all of this is getting at is: "What has the Lord given you that you need to invest in the kingdom?"

The Book Notes--Water-Walking

2005-11-14T11:09:00.000-05:00

This is the first in a series of posts from my notes from reading John Ortberg's book, If You Want To Walk On Water, You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat. Mostly these posts are for my benefit as they are a combination of Ortberg's thoughts and my own as I try to process the ideas. However, I would love to hear any other insights that you would like to share, so please feel free to jump in with comments.

Where is God asking you to step out of the boat? What's your boat? What is keeping you from stepping out on the water right now? That's the pervading questions in John Ortberg's book, If You Want To Walk On the Water... and something I'm now thinking about. I kept wondering as I read if the message of this book was for me, right now. Ortberg uses the various aspects of the story of Peter walking on the water to make some points about our lives as followers of Jesus. You can read the passage by clicking here: Matthew 14: 22-32

Ortberg made one observation about the beginning of this passage that really jumped out at me. Jesus told the disciples to get in the boat knowing they would face the storm. "Obedience is no guarantee of being spared adversity." That statement really jumped out at me--maybe because of what's gone on with me over the past year. I've found myself looking around and asking God, "What happened?" Things were going so well. The year preceding the inner ear virus was one of my best. I'd taken a step I felt God wanted me to take, and things really seemed to be on the right track. It was like the storm clouds rolled back and I saw the sun for the first time in a long time. I can remember driving down the road and marveling at how grand things were. And so, my initial, and very human, response was to wonder why, if I was doing the right thing, was I now having to face this.

"Obedience is no guarantee of being spared adversity."

The disciples got in the boat because Jesus told them to do so, yet they faced the storm. Joseph, one of my favorite people in the Bible, was thrown in prison despite the fact that he did the right thing by saying no to Pharoah's wife. Job, though described as blameless and upright, suffered greatly. Jesus obedience led Him straight to the cross. It bears repeating: "Obedience is no guarantee of being spared adversity." But Paul, who endured his share of hardships, assures us with these words in Romans 8: 28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

So I keep praying, believing, and putting one foot in front of the other.

Friday's Feast

2005-11-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

Let's have some Friday fun with Friday's Feast!

Appetizer: What was the last game you purchased?
I can't even remember the last game I purchased. The last game that was purchased for me, however, was Mad Gab. I got it for Christmas a year or two ago. Haven't played it one single time. Don't know why.

Soup: Name something in which you don't believe.
I don't believe in buying brand new cars. What a waste of money! I mean, it loses a two digit percent of value the moment you drive it off the lot. That's crazy. Cars are not investments like some people would have you to believe, unless you're gonna keep it for like 30 or 40 years and restore it. But seriously, how often do most people do that.

Salad: If you could choose a television personality to be your boss, who would you pick?
Ummm...Charles Engles from "Little House on the Prairie". Lol.

Main Course: What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
God is serious about not wanting you to have any other "gods". When God says to let go of something...let go. It is painful and unpleasant when He has to pry it out of your hands.

Dessert: Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.
It would be painted blue, dimly lit, have a comfortable sofa, books to read all around, desk for writing, smell like coffee or lavendar, and be stocked with an endless supply of cold Vanilla Coke and warm muffins.

Kyle Lake

2005-11-01T10:40:00.000-05:00

I was not able to get the death of Kyle Lake off my mind yesterday. If you haven't heard the story, go here: www.ubcwaco.org. He died during a tragic accident as he was performing a baptism. I just couldn't get that image out of my mind, and knowing that the church was sitting there watching, unable to do anything. He was married and had three young children too. I just don't understand. I mean, I do understand (somewhat) the theological answers, but when you hear something like that it's so hard to wrap your mind around it.
Suffering and pain, both physical and emotional, are things that you don't really get used to. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about my own pastor, who has been in the hospital now for a month at least. He's fighting vasculitis. It seems that every time things start to improve, he encounters another setback.

I'm bothered more and more by these things. I used to be able to go on about my business (perhaps a bit selfishly even), but I see and hear and experience these things now and it causes a restlessness of mind. I think about heaven...and I feel an unexplainable comfort and an insatiable hunger simultaneously. I used to think, as many other people do, that I would be able to obtain answers to those tough questions once I got there, and maybe we can, but I'm not so sure the questions will even matter once we are there. Jesus will be answer enough.

Ten On Tuesday

2005-10-25T15:29:00.000-05:00

Ten Great Things About Autumn

Cool temps
Getting to wear my winter clothes (like I ever stopped)
Baseball playoffs
My birthday
Thanksgiving
Pumpkin flavored anything (I love pumpkin, bring it on!)
Drinking hot chocolate
Starting to plan for and anticipate the Christmas season
The sound of leaves rustling
Nana's homemade vegetable soup

Wilma!!!!!

2005-10-19T08:17:00.000-05:00

I can't believe this hurricane season! Hurricane Wilma jumped from a moderate Category 2 storm to a monster Category 5 overnight and it now has the lowest ever recorded pressure (882). The good thing is that most hurricanes don't maintain that kind of intensity for very long, so hopefully by the time this monster reaches land it will have weakened. These are not really the kind of records that you want to see broken.

Which Peanuts Character Are You?

2005-10-12T15:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, I admit it, I'm a sucker for personality tests. This was fun...and alarmingly accurate.

You are Schroeder!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thoughts on Thursday

2005-10-05T13:03:00.000-05:00

Over this past weekend I celebrated birthday number 26. I think it was the most boring birthday yet. Don't get me wrong...I'm thankful to be alive, but because of the inner ear damage I'm still not able to do much of anything. And even though I could technically survive a trip out, I didn't want to try. I'm starting to realize just how mentally and physically drained I am from this. Most days I'm operating in survival mode, just trying to get through the day. I feel useless...to God and everyone else. I know that's not true, but I can't seem to shake the feeling.

Thoughts on Thursday

2005-09-22T10:54:00.000-05:00

The minor prophets are not where most people go when they want to find out what is required of them as a follower of God. I'll admit, as I've been reading through the books of prophecy, I've gotten a bit bogged down at times. I've wondered why God would choose to include so much of it in the Bible. I know there are a number of ways to answer that question, but one reason in particular grabbed my attention and renewed my interest. When looked at through a wide angle kind of lens, the books of prophecy teach us a lot about the character of God. We learn what makes Him angry, what behavior results in discipline, and how wounded He is by our sin.

Here are a couple "big picture" principles I've gleaned from reading the minor prophets:

God is God and we are not. This sounds simple, but people (me included) have a tendency to forget their place in the equation. When I insist on doing things my way, it results in a mess. We are to acknowledge God and His Word as the final authority in all matters.

Empty rituals are not enough. God says that He desires mercy, not sacrifice, meaning that the heart attitude matters just as much as the action. Doing the right thing externally doesn't mean much if you have a heart and mind filled with hatred, greed, and immorality. This idea of God desiring His people to pursue mercy, justice, truth, and purity is prevalent throughout the Bible. (I'll post more on this later.)

I'm not trying to climb up on my soapbox my any means, I'm just trying to process this stuff that I've been learning. Well, that's my thoughts today.

The Power Of Encouragement

2005-09-12T13:19:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article about spiritual gifts a couple weekends ago and that got me to thinking about encouragement (not the gift, just the act in and of itself) and how powerful it can be. I was remembering specific instances when someone encouraged me in some way and the effect it had.

I remember a note I received from a friend a few years back when we both had work-study jobs in the same department at the community college we attended. I was behind on a project or two for my classes and was fretting about how I was going to get the work done in a short amount of time. One day when I arrived at work, I found an encouraging note on my desk. It was just a plain piece of notebook paper with a handwritten message on it. It was very simple, but very powerful. It literally made my day. I still have that piece of paper! And more recently, my grandma left a note for me with several Bible verses on it that she thought would be helpful. They were all verses I was familiar with, but it meant a lot that she had taken the time to write them down for me. It was...well...encouraging, and I guess that's the whole point.

I think it was Zig Ziglar that said, "A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could, because someone else thought they could." I'm afraid I don't offer encouragement to others nearly enough. I might think about it, but the words in my head never seem to find an outlet, as least not as often as I would like for them to.

Happy Wedding Day

2005-07-26T07:16:00.000-05:00

It's 8:17am and I'm at work. I thought I would take a moment and confirm yesterday's rumor. My cousin ties the knot today. This morning actually. My grandma said he was so happy and excited last nignt when she talked to him. I'm happy for him. It's hard not to be excited about weddings. I think there is something inside all of us that recognizes the holy significance of the event. Marriage should be celebrated. So, happy wedding day D & J!

Weekend Cook-Out!

2005-07-11T10:11:00.000-05:00

My boss, who is pretty good with the grill, had a cook-out this weekend. I was afraid I wouldn't feel well enough to go, but I made it through...and I'm glad I did. The food was excellent, of course. We had steak, chicken, cheesy potatoes, salad, rolls, a couple of other things I didn't eat, and pound cake. We even had live entertainment. My boss' daughter and son-in-law were there--he plays guitar and they both sing. It was great. A good time was had by all. I hope we do that again soon.

I spent most of the rest of the weekend tracking Hurricane Dennis along with The Weather Channel. Thankfully, we dodged the bullet here in NC, but the season is young. I'm going to stop rambling and get back to work now.

More Flower Pics

2005-06-29T09:18:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share a few more of my flower pictures. These are all spring flowers from the yard at work.

Pictures!

2005-06-27T10:24:00.000-05:00

I just discovered that Blogger now allows you to post pictures without using the "Hello" software. I had the software downloaded on my home computer, but since I pretty much never use it, I haven't been posting pictures. So, I guess I need to stop talking about it and post a picture. I'm gonna post a picture of a flower from the yard here at work. That's a tulip my boss planted this spring. I'm using this as a background image on my computer right now too. I love taking pics of flowers.

What Can Brown Do For You?

2005-06-03T13:35:00.000-05:00

How about run into your house? Yep, that's exactly what happened to my Grandma about a week or so ago. A UPS truck parked at a house across from hers starts rolling down the incline driveway, crosses the road, and travels through her yard careening into the corner of her house. The house has roof and gutter damage, a nice large crack down the brick, a displaced window, and a crack in the foundation. Not good. Of course, UPS' insurance company will pay for the damage, but it still causes a huge hassle for my Grandma. The driver (who was not in the truck at the time it rolled down the hill) is someone she has known since he was a kid. And, despite the fact that it was an accident, he has lost his job. We all feel pretty bad about that.

So, what's the lesson in all this? Never forget to use your emergency brake? Never leave your vehicle unattended? Never stand in front of a UPS truck? Or, maybe it's that a seemingly insignificant decision you make can have consequences that echo throughout the rest of your life. So, make good decisions. But when you don't (because sometimes you won't), take heart, God is in the business of redeeming decisions and lives.

Preschool Graduation

2005-05-20T10:46:00.000-05:00

Last night, my brother graduated from preschool. I can't believe he's old enough to go to school already!! The program last night was so cute. The little tykes were all decked out in their caps and gowns and they marched in to Pomp and Circumstance. They sang several songs and unknown to us, they each had a little solo part. My brother was up there going through his part like nobody's business! We were shocked. He hadn't mentioned anything about it at home. I was so proud.

What Kind Of English Do You Speak?

2005-04-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

I surfed over to BlogThings and took this little quiz. I'm not really surprised with the results. I try to limit my Southern slang, but it still made a good showing at 25%.

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

25% Dixie

10% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Tax Time

2005-04-04T15:21:00.000-05:00

I just dropped my tax information off at the accountant's office. Let's hope things go much better than last year. Let me tell you folks, the joys of semi-self-employment are brutally countered by the cruelty of bank-account-draining-self-employment-taxes.

Mini-Reunions

2005-04-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

It's so strange how you won't see people from high school for years and then all of sudden you're talking to someone "from back in the day" every time you turn around. I've talked to three people in like a month's time from high school. People that I've not talked to since high school. It's weird. And cool. It's interesting and surprising to find out what people are doing. I mean, you have these expectations for what you will do and what other people will do and I think that in high school you base those expectations on what "clique" or "group" someone is perceived as belonging to....but then life happens. The playing field is leveled and reality sets in. You find out it really doesn't matter who was on the football team or who went to college, etc. Life is much more than that, and in some ways much less I suppose. Anyway, I'm grateful for the 3 "mini-reunions" over the past month.

New Book

2005-03-18T13:32:00.000-05:00

I just started reading Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner and so far it's great. I've been wanting to read Girl Meets God and Mudhouse Sabbath since reading Craig's review of them. Girl Meets God is basically a spiritual autobiography of sorts. Winner explains her coversion to Christianity from Judaism. Since I have a fascination with all things Jewish this is particularly interesting to me. Can't wait to read more tonight.

Friday's Feast

2005-03-11T10:53:00.000-05:00

Appetizer - Where do you go when you want to relax?
I go to sleep.

Soup - Tell about something that made you laugh this week.
My little brother does and says countless things to make me laugh.

Salad - What is your favorite texture?
soft fleece

Main Course - If you were to publish your autobiography, what would the first sentence be?
It was a dark and stormy night...

Dessert - Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? If so, how?
I don't really do anything to celebrate it, but it is my Uncle and Aunt's birthday.

Hungry?

Friday's Feast!!

2005-02-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

Appetizer - Name 2 things you do that you consider beneficial to your health.
I try to drink water, but I know I don't drink enough. I have also been trying to get more sleep lately.

Soup - If you made a New Year's resolution, how's it going so far?
It's been going surprisingly well. I tried to make my goals for the year simple and so far I've been able to keep up.

Salad - Name something that has happened lately that bothers you.
Can't think of anything right now.

Main Course - What is your favorite quote, and who said it?
I love quotes, so I have lots of favorites. One of them is: "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful." I don't know who said it. I saw it sort of etched onto the back of a tractor trailer. Strange place to find a quote!

Dessert - What do you collect?
books

Check out Friday's Feast!

Friday's Feast

2005-01-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

Appetizer - What is one quality you really admire about yourself?

Well, I don't know that I admire any of my qualities, but one quality that I seek to constantly maintain is teachability. Teachability says, "I'm willing to learn from anybody at any time." Teachabiltiy means that you don't require your "teachers" to have a certain status or credentials before you'll listen. Teachability is being willing to ask for help.

Soup - What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?

I'm not very loyal to my shampoos and conditioners. Right now I'm using Pert, but prior to that I used Aussie for a good while.

Salad - Describe your favorite movie scene. You know, the one that just gets to you every time you watch it.

I like the scene in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" where the girl asks Gilbert what he wants. He starts naming all this stuff he wants for his family members and she says, "No, what do you want for yourself?" And he says, "I want to be a good person."
I guess that's what I want too.

Main Course - If you were a veggie, which one would you be, and why?

Oh, I don't know...maybe I would be a like a sweet potato. It's kind of bland and boring on the outside, but there's a lot of substance to it once you break the surface. You think it's just a potato, but then it kind of surprises you.

Dessert - If you could take a weekend trip within 100 miles of your current residence, where would you like to go?

the mountains of North Carolina

Hungry?

It's Over

2004-12-28T09:15:00.000-05:00

Christmas is over. There's so much anticipation, excitement, and preparation, and then bam, it's gone. Blink too long and you'll miss it. I know it's not supposed to be that way, but every year I find myself unable to focus on the real meaning of Christmas. Almost the exact second that I decide to focus on Christ, my mind is swept away in the commercialism madness. Did I buy enough gifts? Did I spend enough money? You know, I'm not sure if I even thought about Jesus one time on Christmas day this year. Every year I silently proclaim that this year will be different, and then before I know it, Christmas has come and gone, along with my idealistic aspirations.
And now the new year is upon us...another time when I generally set loftly goals, stumble awkwardly for a few months, and then fall flat before summer. But still, I persist. So I will be back in a couple of days to share some of my goals for 2005, one of which may be blogging more consistently.

Countdown To Christmas

2004-12-23T13:27:00.000-05:00

Well, it is officially two days away, but for me Christmas will basically begin tomorrow. That is when my family Christmas gathering will take place. It is also my grandparents' anniversary, so we always celebrate by eating what they ate when they were snowed in after their wedding (grilled cheese sandwiches, BBQ potato chips, and Sundrop). It's been a fun tradition. Of course, we've added lots of other party food through the years.

I've struggled to complete my Christmas shopping this year as the inner ear problem has continued for 3 and a half months now. I've had to resort to giving my Mom and Grandma money. I almost never do that, but, like they say, it's the thought that counts.

Christmas Time Is Here Again...

2004-11-27T16:55:00.000-05:00

We started decorating for Christmas today at my house. The tree is up and almost complete. My brother's boundless enthusiasm has been fun to watch and his boundless energy will ensure that we do indeed complete the decorating. It has become clear that he will not rest until 'all things Christmas' have found a home within our house. I love this time of year. Yes, I know it has become way too commercialized and media-ized (Look! I made up a word! Don't ask me to define it. You know what it means.) but there is still a sense of wonder surrounding this season.

Friday's Feast

2004-10-22T18:43:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: Name 3 things that you are wearing today.
green Old Navy shirt, Old Navy jeans, and clogs (no, they're not from Old Navy)

Soup: Who was the last person you hugged?
my Mom

Salad: What do you like to order from your favorite fast food place?
spicy chicken taco from Taco Bell

Main Course: What time of day do you usually feel most energized?
usually mid-morning

Dessert: Using the letters in your first name, write a sentence. (Example: Sweet unusual spaniels are nice.)
Trial Offers Never Include Appetizers

Hungry?

Birthday Musings

2004-10-02T21:58:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. I turned 25 this morning. I turned 25 at 6:38 this morning to be exact. The quarter century mark. I can officially start my quarter-life crisis now. I think my quarter-life crisis started about three years early, so I'm actually "over" it and feeling pretty good. Not that I don't still have my moments, but all in all this past year has been one of the best. A big part of what I mean by that is that I've been moving forward spiritually over the past year (finally). When it comes to God, you are either walking with Him or walking in disobedience to Him. The latter is not a pleasant place to be and I'm extremely grateful for the work God has done in me over the past year or so. I've spent quiet a bit of time reflecting on where I am and where I want to be and also who I am and who I want to be.
Traditionally, most people set goals around the beginning of the year, but I think birthdays are a good time. And the older I get, the more reflective I seem to get around my birthday. The past year and a half has included some significant changes for me ( moving, making a decision not to continue with school, starting a new job in a field I never imagined myself working in, discovering that I loved the new job, regaining my footing spiritually, and parting ways with a couple of close friends). I'm looking forward to the upcoming year with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. Anticipation because I am excited about where I am and the good things God will continue doing in me. Anxiety because I am not good at relinquishing control to God and I still struggle on many fronts.
Last year I was convinced that I needed to devote my time and attention to discovering my calling (and by that I meant only my career path). That initial desire has led to some unexpected realizations. While I wanted to know "what" I should be, God seemed more interested in showing me "who" I should be. As a result, my definitions of "calling" and "success" have taken a much needed beating. I am now convinced that the bulk of my "calling" is to simply live out my faith. I am "called" to live in light of the committment I made to Christ. And success will ultimately have more to do with faithfulness than dollars or degrees. This does not mean that God is not interested in our careers. It's just that whatever our vocational "calling" happens to be, it fits into the larger context of having our character shaped into Christlikeness and fulfilling God's purposes in our small corner (or cubicle) of the world.
I don't know that I intended for this post to be a full-length article, so I'll wrap things up. I think somewhere in all of this I was supposed give a synopsis of my goals for the upcoming year, but I'll have to save that for another post, mainly because I haven't figured them out yet.

Today's Beautiful Moment

2004-09-27T20:08:00.000-05:00

My brother, who is 4 years old, gave me a piece of folded paper that when opened had a smaller heart-shaped piece of paper stuck inside. He had written his name across the heart (writing his name without assistance is one of the tasks he is currently mastering). He told me it was "a Love Day Heart book." I was moved.

Friday's Feast

2004-09-03T10:37:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: If someone gave you 3 new goldfish today, what would you name them?
Finley, Gill, and Splash

Soup: What's the worst movie you've seen this year so far?
I don't watch many movies. The only one I remember watching this year is The Passion Of The Christ. It was pretty good, so I don't guess I have a "worst" movie this year.

Salad: If given the chance and you could pick the person, would you want to switch lives with someone on earth for one whole day?
No way! What if there was a glitch in the system and you couldn't switch back and then you were trapped being someone else for the rest of your (their) life! Scary thought!

Main Course: What's your favorite season? Name 2 things you love about it.
I guess Fall is my favorite season. I love days when the temperature is just right-not too hot, not too cold. And I love the anticipation that starts building as people prepare for the upcoming holidays. There are more things I like about Fall, but I'm trying to play by the rules here, so I'll only list two.

Dessert: What is something you frequently buy that you don't really need?
school/office supplies-- It's sort of an addiction. I'm trying to cut back. I literally have about 20 packs of paper stacked up in my room. I started stocking up for Y2K. I guess I thought that if the world fell apart I was gonna write about it or something. Crazy, I know.

Hungry?